Literary-literally-lusty

I'm beginning to feel convince that I am a perfect guinea pig to some amateur mental experiment. People call me Jel. Does that name ring a bell? (And does it even have to rhyme?) Tililing. Oh great, I better stop this nonsense or people will feel convince that I am really a human guinea pig. Well, guinea pigs are cute especially when they run in circular treadmills, but hey, they smell like baby urine. Ewww. It's so clear that I'm losing my mind again. Why should I compare myself to a guinea pig?

I'm sorry about that; just pretend that it's the cough syrup blogging. Anyway, my brain is all black and blue for I did a lot of beating around the bush. (Just re-read at the text above) Yeah, it's one hell of a bloody exercise. I've been warming up my brain cells lately because I need to produce a good copy for this site. Where are my thoughts? My thoughts are scattered like rainshowers...and I'm crazy as the weather.

This is what happens when you work in the business that capitalizes on the laziness of teenage American kids. I wonder if there are task codes assigned for plagiarizing, editorializing, and bastardizing. It’s a shame but I think I'm beginning to be good at it. I deserve a promotion! But putting all my angst aside, I must admit that I like this more than the other projects on the row, because this thing makes me do the thing that I love most - writing. Oh look there goes the smirk again. I think I better have a new nickname - SMIRKFETTE. Yeah, derived from that bluish cartoon character named Smurfette. Smirkfette...it doesn't sound so nice.

Anyway, I won't blame you if you think this blog is going nowhere. You can close this window now. My bad, I'm sorry. But if you want some scoop regarding my so-called boring life, then just carry on.

Wild thing, you make my heart sing. (Nah-nah-nah-nana) You make everything groov-ey.

Wait, my estrogen level is going up and I now I feel horny for words.

A friend told me that a man with a vault of ideas is orgasmic.
Hmmm. No, you're not smelling sex and candy here. I came across a tagline that somehow justifies the statement: Isipin ang malalim na kahulugan ng pagtatalik ng mga kaisipan at pagniniig ng mga kaalaman. Ooooh. That sounds almost orgasmic, it kinda turns me on. Whacked! I know people are laughing right now because they can't imagine me writing this kind of stuff. Haha. Anyway, I get it. We all need something intellectually stimulating to pump up our sex appeal. Hey, it's been a long time since someone told me that I'm intellectually sexy. You can call me Yabang, but I won't take it back for that comment came from a girl (and she's not a dyke). What's happening to me? Why am I becoming an airhead? Does it mean that this job is stripping away all the sexiness (kapal!) in me and all I've got to cover up are two dowdy uniforms? For the love of fashion! With all of these issues residing in me, I wonder if there's gonna be a guy out there, a guy who can nail a thought-provoking conversation, and who will be interested to date a girl like me. I've been looking for him far and wide. Ooops, there he goes. The guy with a hot mind.

Where?

Yung dumaan.

Me and my friends are talking about him. Did he hear what I've said? No, because he's handicapped. He's deaf, mute and insensitive. He's also blind, but he stares at me. Right, what the hell does that mean? He's looking at me but I don't know if he sees me. If he only knew that it's not only glances that he stole from me, he also took away my heart. I hate to admit it but I think I'm crazy over a guy who's in love with somebody else. It kinda hurts but whatever makes him happy. What did I see in him? I don't know but I think I have fallen in love with his mind. I think these lines from a Depeche Mode song was made for him.
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live
in And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me.
If there’s one thing I want to say to him, it’s going to be this: I hope you won't put all the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’re not a god to make all things new.

How do I love thee?
Damn if I do, damn if I don't.

Maybe I should stop looking for the one who was not really there. Maybe I should not neglect the one who was there all along. Maybe I should stop comparing him to somebody else. Someday I will come around.

If you don't want your blog to look like this, find a job that will drive you to the intellectual peak and I assure you that you will feel like the queen of the world.
If you want to keep your intelligence (and your sanity intact), find a post modern Renaissance man and I promise you that you will never get bored.

Smooth Criminal
I just want to make fun of this thing that happened to me yesterday. I received a memo, yes a m-e-m-o, for wasting the "Company's time." Okay, I know, Time is gold.
I know a memo is not a laughing matter, but if you're as crazy as me, you might just dismiss it as a drug prescription. Yes, I must admit I'm guilty. I can't help but access an illegal website because I have a poor social life (Yeah, that's one pathetic truth) and Friendster is my window to the outside world. Huhu.
I'm responsible and I'm no longer a kid who needs some spanking to learn my lesson. I know what I did and I'm accountable to it. There's no one to be blame but me and my stupid weakness. It's just hard to fight the temptation of forbidden websites when you're bored. I'm only human; I'm born with Original Sin. I'm disobedient. If there's one thing I've learned: "Thou shall not access proxy servers." Kailangan ko pa bang dalhin ang mga magulang ko?
I find it strange that I belong to the "Wanted List". Am I really that notorious? I'm not questioning the fact that I access websites because the proof is already right before my eyes, but I just find it strange that my fellow "offenders" belong to the TVJ entourage when I'm not part of the crew. Does that mean that birds of the same feather should flock together?

Are they gonna take our pictures for their rogues gallery of "Model Employees"? I want that Paris Hilton Mugshot pose, because I'm accessing the websites Under the Influence of - boredom.

I also want to make a point regarding the "move", "deletion" thingy. I don't think there's one person in this room who is capable of deliberately deleting a file. I don't think there's one person here who has that kind of hatred, even if he/she wants to take revenge out of old conflicts, I don’t think he/she can do such dirty cowardly act. Hello? We know the consequences of such actions. At ano naman mapapala namin sa pag-gawa ng ganoon? Files are uber sensitive and I think they have a life of their own that they move by themselves. Hindi namin nararamdaman na gumagalaw pala sila.

The Devil's Advocate

I also heard about that "D" and "E" thing. Mother Org-y is checking all the unnecessary files in "Es" and the "Ds" because the folders are suffocating due to limited space. Hey, I know what you're doing guys. I know you read my blog, copy it, then paste in a note pad, and save it to "D" or you'll mapped it out to selected "D"s and let others read it. I know you appreciate my blog and I love you for that but please don't get me in trouble. You can read it all you want but please don't spread my word like it's some kind of gospel truth. You just don't know how many reasons I'm formulating right now if in case she finds out about this.

Here’s the script I have in mind.

Somebody has to play the role of the devil and it just happens to be me. I'm just making an advocate here, but these people have a mind of their own and it’s up to them to get swayed by my ideas. I don’t think you should underestimate their intelligence, you didn’t hire us for nothing right?

Word of the Day

CONSENSUS
Magkaroon naman kayo ng CONSENSUS. What the hell was that?
I was feeling bored and this word wake me up. Buti na lang hindi ako tumawa.
Consensus - means general agreement.

O baka naman Conscientious?
Conscientious - adj. governed by or conforming to the dictates of conscience.
When use in sentence, it will look like this:
She is a conscientious public servant.

Or is it Conscience?
Conscience - n. the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one's own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good.
Example:
I had two slices of bad pizza, went to bed, grew a conscience and wrote a 25-page Manifesto of Doom! - Jerry Maguire.

Or Conscious?
Conscious - perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation.
Example: She's always conscious about her looks.

What are you gonna with all that breast inside your shirt?

I'm not really a fan of call center people because:

1. Every morning they weaken my respiratory system because I have to walk in the clouds of second hand smoke. Aren't they sleepy enough to indulge in chain-smoking rhapsody?

2. They're so arte inside the elevator huh? I wonder what will happen if Ate got stuck in the elevator with those skanks.

3. They didn’t know what wardrobe malfunction means. I was inside the elevator when I notice this girl. She was wearing an immaculately white ensemble and yet she didn't look so virginal. She was not wearing a bra. All she was wearing was a sheer white top (it almost looks like Kleenex) covered by a bolero. But the bolero frequently uncovers her chest area, and all you could see are boobies. I was feeling like Chairwoman La Guardia, because I find her outfit skanky. There are two potential rapists laughing in my back. I know what their thinking: Does this girl sell sex after her shift?

If you happen to spot a number of errors let me know, just don’t bitch slap it to my face because it will really hurt my feelings. I want to know what’s on your mind. Now go and rock the comment box.