What happens when you turn 24? Ummh..let me see. You wake in the morning as if nothing happened the night before (whoa! it's not what you think). You turn on the radio and you hear Nine in the Afternoon. You come to work on a Sunday and your crush greeted you with a birthday song. Now that's what you call an almost perfect day, but wait till you read this...
...Your stats is not looking good, you've been in the bottom for almost two weeks, and if this is American Idol you will probably have a lot of chances to be voted off. Next, your two annoying colleagues are getting in your nerves for two different reasons. Lastly, you found out that your crush is a real player. Yes, all the assumptions you have in your head is true. He's a real pro. He plays on stage, in bed or in Sunken Garden. It's gone baby, gone! The love is gone! Oh, wait did he just sing Happy Birthday?
It's one hell of a rollercoaster birthday week. The rise and fall of emotions is making me throw-up. I thought the enigma of being 23 is over, but it seems that the Fates has their way of weaving the thread of bad luck and make my quarter-life crisis situation even worse. I guess when you grow older, life continues to give you different kinds of blows to prepare you for the next challenge ahead. No matter how cliche this may sound, I guess I need to do something for myself. I need a major life make-over.
At 24, I'm surrounded by frequent domestic bills and dramas, by emails of hard-to-please customers, by colleagues with overflowing libido, by deafening hardcore music, and by clouds of second-hand smoke.
NOW LET ME GO TO REHAB.
As I face an impending unemployement, a slight nicotine addiction, and a partial hearing loss, I'm telling myself that I'm gonna get through this and get my 30-day free trial of FWB - FCUK With Benefits. Hey! That's a CLOTHING LINE!
I guess people expect a lot from you after you graduation. It's been three years and I don't know if I still live up to the Cinderella chart we had in Paulthenics. The real world indeed sucks, that's all I can say.
Actually, I was thinking about going back to school. The corporate world is making me old and I guess it's good to go back to what used to be simple. The real world doesn't seem to appreciate me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe this is not for me. Maybe this is not the thing that I should be doing. I think I should take a short divorce from all of this so I could think about what I really want.
Before I end this piece, I just want to thank the people who greeted me on that day. Anne, Crizzy, Vera, Doris, Joy, Sae, Ron, Dah, Jem, Sir Maynard Tamayo, Rizza, Crystal, Gem, Tin, Mackoy, Lei, Maloi and Melvin. If I forgot to mention somebody, I'm sorry. This is just a sign that I'm getting old and this might be due to short-term memory loss. Oh wait...yes I almost forgot. To the one who sang me a birthday song, thank you. You almost made my day, it's just sad that you broke my heart the next day.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Inheritance of Loss
It all happened last Tuesday.
My tears fell like raindrops that day and I need to go home before it pours.\
Death. How do you deal with it? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - these are the five deadly stages of grief. It would be easier to mourn for one, but what if you’re dealing with two deaths at the same time, would that be enough to make you feel numb? Angel of Death, are you my guardian angel?
My grandfather died last Tuesday, after a month of battling with the sweetest disease called diabetes. I don’t want to remember how he died; I’d rather remember how he lived. Lolo was a sweet old man. He was like a father to me. He helped me become the person that I am today. My childhood wouldn’t have been fun, if Lolo was not around. I remember he would give me packs of marshmallows every time he comes home from his jogging gigs in CCP. Yeah, Lolo was such an advocate of healthy living. He always encourages us to exercise regularly, to stay away from vices and to moderately give-in to our sweet tooth cravings. Now that Lent is just around the corner and Lolo is no longer around, I could still feel his presence each time I see a video clip from The Ten Commandments. That was his favorite epic film. Anyway, Lolo was the one who taught us how to solemnly observe Holy Week. And the word solemnly, always comes with the words penitence and Bible film marathons.
The role of Lolo in my life strengthened during my struggling fresh grad days. He gave me all the support he could give so I could survive the corporate jungle. No matter how irrelevant his opinions were, he still shared his ideas to me it somehow gave me hope despite of the bleak workforce economy that we live in. You can just imagine the white lies I’ve told him when I resigned from my previous job. I just told him that I’m on a long vacation, because I know he will feel bad if I he found out that I quit my job without any real fallback.
SUNSET BLOG
I consider my present job as an answered prayer. It was the wish I wanted for Christmas Day. It was no ordinary gift because I have to prove myself worthy of this present. I have to go through a lot of things before I can finally say that “this is mine.” I felt sad when I heard the news. I thought it was Doomsday last Tuesday. It was hard to accept, especially when you do not know what will happen next. I guess we just have to make the most out of the remaining time that we're together.
Anyway, life goes on. This is the inheritance of my loss. I have to stay strong despite of all these deadly circumstances. I have to conquer death. I know that there’s always hope. I tend to be pessimistic a lot of times but I know this kind of thinking won’t help me get through life’s unwanted suspense. This is just another sad episode; there are still blank pages to be filled with happy endings.
My tears fell like raindrops that day and I need to go home before it pours.\
Death. How do you deal with it? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - these are the five deadly stages of grief. It would be easier to mourn for one, but what if you’re dealing with two deaths at the same time, would that be enough to make you feel numb? Angel of Death, are you my guardian angel?
My grandfather died last Tuesday, after a month of battling with the sweetest disease called diabetes. I don’t want to remember how he died; I’d rather remember how he lived. Lolo was a sweet old man. He was like a father to me. He helped me become the person that I am today. My childhood wouldn’t have been fun, if Lolo was not around. I remember he would give me packs of marshmallows every time he comes home from his jogging gigs in CCP. Yeah, Lolo was such an advocate of healthy living. He always encourages us to exercise regularly, to stay away from vices and to moderately give-in to our sweet tooth cravings. Now that Lent is just around the corner and Lolo is no longer around, I could still feel his presence each time I see a video clip from The Ten Commandments. That was his favorite epic film. Anyway, Lolo was the one who taught us how to solemnly observe Holy Week. And the word solemnly, always comes with the words penitence and Bible film marathons.
The role of Lolo in my life strengthened during my struggling fresh grad days. He gave me all the support he could give so I could survive the corporate jungle. No matter how irrelevant his opinions were, he still shared his ideas to me it somehow gave me hope despite of the bleak workforce economy that we live in. You can just imagine the white lies I’ve told him when I resigned from my previous job. I just told him that I’m on a long vacation, because I know he will feel bad if I he found out that I quit my job without any real fallback.
SUNSET BLOG
I consider my present job as an answered prayer. It was the wish I wanted for Christmas Day. It was no ordinary gift because I have to prove myself worthy of this present. I have to go through a lot of things before I can finally say that “this is mine.” I felt sad when I heard the news. I thought it was Doomsday last Tuesday. It was hard to accept, especially when you do not know what will happen next. I guess we just have to make the most out of the remaining time that we're together.
Anyway, life goes on. This is the inheritance of my loss. I have to stay strong despite of all these deadly circumstances. I have to conquer death. I know that there’s always hope. I tend to be pessimistic a lot of times but I know this kind of thinking won’t help me get through life’s unwanted suspense. This is just another sad episode; there are still blank pages to be filled with happy endings.
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