Lately I am a Desperate Believer

I hate it when insomnia and writer's block collide. It is such a waste of time staying awake the whole night and not write anything. So this is Christmas and what have I done? Well, like any other people who have been in the misery business for quite sometime, I have nothing to look forward to on the 25th. Those who know how I feel would probably think that everything does not seem right, so why bother to celebrate. It does not feel like Christmas.

I wonder what happened to good old caroling? Why does it suddenly become a noon-time show dance contest propped with Santa Playboy Bunny costumes and puntuated with "AW!"? Well, I blame it to Joey de Leon and the Sex Bomb Dancers. Easy on the Spaghetti kids.

But 'tis is the season to be jolly falalalalalalala and ignoring the merry holidays is such a sin to the sosyal humanity, so I just look for the meaning of Christmas in the traditional way through Simbang Gabi. I thought I would not be able to complete it, but surprise, surprise, I completed it and it complete me. Was that Jerry Maguire talking? Anyway, attending the mass was like an R&R for the spirit. It is like a spa that soothes all your pain and washes away all the negative emo inside your mind. It also allows you to let go of the things that you can't control and let God take care of it. Every gospel doesn't only tell a story but it shares wisdom as well. It really prepares yourself for the coming of Christmas. Nowadays, people forget to put Christ on Christmas and oftentimes they are blinded by the "poshest" things that they should receive on Christmas Day. But Christ was not posh, he was poor. And that is what Simbang Gabi is all about, it teaches you to be humble, simple and grateful. I should do this every year. I must and I will, because life is full of complicated things like mathematics and a yearly soulvation is good for my sanity.

WHEN WILL I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN?

Someone caught my eye and here I am all alone asking, "When will see your face again?" Oh here I go again. I don't know him personally. All I know is that he's a teacher, he leads a group in Church and he runs his errands like he's bound to priesthood. I'm going to slap my face right now because this is not happening. Baka dala lang ito ng antok. No, don't ever think about it. It's going to take a miracle to find that kind of inspiration.


Don't play with FIREcrackers this new year, I still need you guys to drop me a comment in this blog. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

The Advent of Doom

I know you miss me. It's already the Advent season but I feel like it's Lent. Yeah, yeah I know I'm such a Grinch, but this is how I feel (much to the glee of my evil costumed frenemies). I would appreciate it more if happier people would stop texting me "Kmusta K N?," or sending me generic happy quotes FOR IT JUST ADD UP TO THE PRESSURE OF BEING HAPPY. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO WITH YOUR LIFE, WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR OWN. I would rather drink the tea of empathy than the soda of sympathy, because empathy taste like sympathy, only SWEETER. This is wrong, I don't deserve this.


I'm just glad that there are people like Anne, Andy and Vera who help me get through this mad season. Don't you think it's so unfair why independent people don't get what they want? All I want for Christmas is sshhh, I can't even get it. How will I celebrate Christmas? Here are some of the ways...


1. Sleep all day and ask my mom to wake me up when 2007 ends.

2. Lock myself in my room and listen to full blast rock music while indulging in sinful carbs. This is totally anger and glutonny marathon. I wonder if there will be lust involve. Kidding.

3. Have a Goth party in a cemetery with my weird friends while reading sad poetry and connecting with the dead.

4. Clean the house until became unrecognizable.

5. Check myself in rehab, splurge in retail therapy, or attend a seminar on why some people have useless anxieties like..."Why Can't he love me?"

6. Spent a whole day in a secret laboratory and let my evil genius create a cure for men who are afraid of commitment. Do want to join me Anne?

7. Be a Martha Stewart for a day and try not to mess up the kitchen.

I'm gonna get through this. I must. My momma told me not to dwell in a crisis. I must fight it. I just need some alone time, free from useless text messages.

They say that there are twelve days of Christmas, but I only have seven days to love.