The Inheritance of Loss

It all happened last Tuesday.

My tears fell like raindrops that day and I need to go home before it pours.\

Death. How do you deal with it? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - these are the five deadly stages of grief. It would be easier to mourn for one, but what if you’re dealing with two deaths at the same time, would that be enough to make you feel numb? Angel of Death, are you my guardian angel?

My grandfather died last Tuesday, after a month of battling with the sweetest disease called diabetes. I don’t want to remember how he died; I’d rather remember how he lived. Lolo was a sweet old man. He was like a father to me. He helped me become the person that I am today. My childhood wouldn’t have been fun, if Lolo was not around. I remember he would give me packs of marshmallows every time he comes home from his jogging gigs in CCP. Yeah, Lolo was such an advocate of healthy living. He always encourages us to exercise regularly, to stay away from vices and to moderately give-in to our sweet tooth cravings. Now that Lent is just around the corner and Lolo is no longer around, I could still feel his presence each time I see a video clip from The Ten Commandments. That was his favorite epic film. Anyway, Lolo was the one who taught us how to solemnly observe Holy Week. And the word solemnly, always comes with the words penitence and Bible film marathons.

The role of Lolo in my life strengthened during my struggling fresh grad days. He gave me all the support he could give so I could survive the corporate jungle. No matter how irrelevant his opinions were, he still shared his ideas to me it somehow gave me hope despite of the bleak workforce economy that we live in. You can just imagine the white lies I’ve told him when I resigned from my previous job. I just told him that I’m on a long vacation, because I know he will feel bad if I he found out that I quit my job without any real fallback.

SUNSET BLOG

I consider my present job as an answered prayer. It was the wish I wanted for Christmas Day. It was no ordinary gift because I have to prove myself worthy of this present. I have to go through a lot of things before I can finally say that “this is mine.” I felt sad when I heard the news. I thought it was Doomsday last Tuesday. It was hard to accept, especially when you do not know what will happen next. I guess we just have to make the most out of the remaining time that we're together.

Anyway, life goes on. This is the inheritance of my loss. I have to stay strong despite of all these deadly circumstances. I have to conquer death. I know that there’s always hope. I tend to be pessimistic a lot of times but I know this kind of thinking won’t help me get through life’s unwanted suspense. This is just another sad episode; there are still blank pages to be filled with happy endings.