I'll Twist Your Mind to Death

"If I say I love you, right now, will you hold it against me?"
-Peyton to Lucas


I just don't know what to do with myself. How many ungodly 2 a.m. must I stay awake to ransom back my brain? Read: I'm terrible and lately, I am not myself. I woke up this morning and I noticed these dark circles around my eyes. I told the person in the mirror, "Holy bitch, you've got puppy eyes!" Damn it, where's the cucumber,or the concealer? Adik.

What (in the name of vanity) is ugly wrong with me? I applied these stuff around my eyes and yet I still look like a heroin chic. Kate Moss is that you? Whatever. I give up. Maybe I should sport a Goth look tomorrow. Hey, that would do the trick.


Is there a remedy for intellectual constipation, insomia, and infatuation? Tell me quick, for I don't want to look pale and sleepless like The Cure.

Yeah, this is the right spot to lay my bones.
I feel so dead being buried in this bed.
But my mind won't Rest In Pieces.
I better grab this pillow like tombstone in my head.
This is total darkness and yet he's still there.


"I love you Luke, but I've chosen darkness."
- Peyton to Lucas


I give up. I turn the radio on and listen to this song that somehow rock me to sleep.


Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive.


I guess I should practice some other ways to stay sober. Am I the only one who notice, or am I just hallucinating? Are you just looking because I'm looking, or do you want to look at me anyway? Dude, you're dizzying up the girl.


You're deep like water, I could drown in you. You could lock me in your eyes, you could lose me in the crowd, you could act like you don't care, I'm just gonna play it cool anyway.

I won't waste your time on sweet nothings. It isn't me, because you will hear it straight from me. I won't drop your name, I'll rather twist your mind to death. You will never know it was you, unless you make a move.


Maybe I'll get rid of you. Maybe I'll let you live in me. If this thing is not meant to be, then so be it. It's all right, I'm used to not getting what I want.


"I want all of the same things that you want, I do, and I want them with you."
- Peyton to Lucas

I hope that my brain would be back soon, because I'm already tired of my heart doing all the ticking and the thinking. I guess I can finally breathe and sing this song...


If I don't say this now
I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby, I'll look after you

There now, steady love,
so few come and don't go
Will you won't you,
be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control,
the city spins around
You're the only one who knows,
you slow it down


Oh, oh
Be my baby
OhhhhhhOh,
ohBe my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

You are so beautiful to me.


*Peyton and Lucas - are fictional characters from One Tree Hill.
**Love Hurts - Incubus, The Light Grenade
***Look after You - The Fray, How to Save a Life